As, so nicely noted in this piece, things in life do happen only when then are supposed to happen (and no matter how hard we try, we can never make them happen sooner, or later than they happen) .. so do we get over things in our own ways, on our own pace, and in our own time…
There is no formula which works for everyone, but there is one truth which is applicable to all these cases, and that truth is : Do not base your expectations and/or your actions on other people-s experiences and advice….
You stated a few things which stuck with me… one of them was : “We leap hoping that this time our fall will be broken by someone willing to take that exact same jump. So when they stand still, afraid to do what you just did, you feel like a fool….”
And that sentence goes to the heart of many, many issues that we have in our relationships ( OK.. in my case I should be writing in the past tense since, after all that failures I did find “my” person…and have been happily married to her for the past 6 years ) … The moment we start believing that the person we are with might be “the one”- we are ready to do almost anything in order to keep them by our side. We work on these relationships, we suffer and, ultimately, we sacrifice a whole lot- since ( we believe) — they must be worth it…. And then, we see that the other person is not as ready as we are, that they hesitate ( whenever they need to risk as much as we did), or that , when the proverbial excrement hits the proverbial air-conditioning unit, they are not willing to sacrifice as much as we did, we feel disillusioned, sad, lost…. quite often like sheer idiots for believing that he/she was as much into “Us” as we were…
Getting back to the main point… “ We’re taught that it’s weak to be sad for long periods of time about losing something we truly cared about. We’re taught that we need to pick up the pieces and find something else to fill our time. We’re taught that in order to get over someone, getting under someone new is the best case scenario. Then we beat ourselves up about that.”….
All of it is very, very wrong ( and you are very, very right to point it out)…
IF getting under ( on top, besides.. depending on the preferences) someone in order to forget another individual worked for one person, it sure as hell doesn't mean that it will work for everyone- In my experience, there is a very big chance that ( again, as you so nicely pointed out) we might end up feeling much worse than we did on the first place…
So, in these cases, we should close off our ears and minds to any outside influence and deal with our pain ( yes, stuff like this hurts. and it hurts A LOT) in our own way, on our own time….
If, when it happens, we do what we decided not to do when we got into the whole mess ( listen to our minds not our hearts) … things will get better fast… All we need to do is close our eyes take a good deep look inside and ask our own hearts what is the best course of action…. If we listen to what it has to say- it will direct us in teh best possible manner. But if we decide to, again, use our minds to lead us… we will only prolong ( in the best case scenario) the pain we are feeling…
So, we are allowed to miss them. We are allowed to show it, as well as to keep feeling the way we do for as long as we do…
After all, we are human beings… and emotions can not be programed, or made to fit a mold- no matter how hard anyone tries